Boyfriend of 10 months asks girlfriend to lend him $7K from her 401K despite not paying her back the $250 she already lent him: 'The first loan was a test'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 9, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

He can't even pay back $250. What makes her think she should lend him thousands of dollars?

Asking for money early in a relationship is a huge red flag. If someone you've been dating for less than a year relies on you for financial support, they might be after your money more than they're after love. If someone is struggling so much that they can't pay their bills or afford groceries, they probably should focus on generating more income instead of trying to find a partner who will solve their problems for them. For many people, it's easier to rely on a boyfriend or girlfriend instead of making changes in their lives to ensure they can support themselves. If their cash cow leaves them for greener pastures, they'll quickly move onto the next one.

It's essential to pay attention to your partner's relationship with money from the beginning of your relationship. Do they expect you to buy them multiple expensive dinners every week? Do they prioritize wants over needs and struggle to pay their bills as a result? Are they asking you for money and promising they'll pay you back? 

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  • A man leaning against a wall in a gray shirt
    via Brock Wegner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The woman in this story should be asking herself these questions and more about her boyfriend. He has borrowed money from her and failed to repay her. Now, he wants a loan that's 28 times more money than what he's previously borrowed, and the red flags are flying high. 

  • Am I wrong for not lending my boyfriend money?

    My boyfriend of 10 months wants to borrow money $7K from my retirement account. He wants to then request a personal loan of $12k to payback my $7K and have some left over. I've lent him $150 a few months back and another $100 a few weeks ago. I have yet to get anything back. He
    via u/ScarletPeach81
  • 100 US dollar bill
    via Live Richer

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • insists that I'm being irrational and that I have trust issues. I work hard for my money. I have 2 kids and 1 in college. I don't have money to give a grown man who can't pay his way. Why is he making me feel guilty? We have discussed marriage for next year but this is giving me a reason to pause. Everything is telling me to run. Am I being unreasonable or AITA?
    via u/ScarletPeach81
  • A serious woman in a black shirt looking pensive
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Candid Deer_8521 He wants to borrow money from you then pay you back with a bigger loan elsewhere. If he can get a personal loan then why not just do that without involving you.
    via u/Candid_Deer_8521
  • anonymommy15 This dude is running a Ponzi scheme.
    via u/anonymommy15
  • Avalonisle16 Yep and I'm sure OP isn't the first woman he's taken money from!
    via u/Avalonisle16
  • Cold_Application_448 I was thinking the same thing, why would he take a personal loan to pay her back? Why not just take a personal loan for whatever he needs instead of borrowing money from her in the first place
    via u/Cold_Application_448
  • Serious_Gap1198 Cause he found out where her money is located and trying to get much out of her as quickly as possible and then ghost her. He's pretending he will pay her back and in this case with her own money as a bargaining chip.
    via u/Serious_Gap1198
  • RonSwansonApproved Yea that seems weird but often personal loans would require some collateral, especially for someone that probably has a sh credit score. Maybe his idea is to put up the 7k as collateral for the 12k loan, and then pay her back 7k once he gets the loan, who knows? Either way nothing good can from that situation.
    via u/RonSwansonApproved
  • Candid Deer_8521 Plus he wouldn't have anything left over on that 12k loan because that 7k comes with taxes an penalties on top of the 7k.
    via u/Candid_Deer_8521
  • facinationstreet From your 401k? consider this? is wrong with you to even
    via u/facinationstreet
  • 20MLSE20 Glad someone said it. Hasn't paid back $100 loan and is now asking for $7k, h_ || no. You lend him that amount you can say goodbye to him and the money.
    via u/20MLSE20
  • Predictable-Past-912 He will ditch her if she gives him the cash. The only question is how long it would take him to break off contact completely.
    via u/Predictable-Past-912
  • lemmesplain The first loan was a test.
    via u/lemmesplain
  • Fluffy_Lavishness 102 The only reason you should be touching a 401k is if you need to save your home from foreclosure or higher a good lawyer for your murder trial. Not for some guy you haven't even been with for a year that has already failed to pay you back small amounts multiple times.
    via u/Fluffy_Lavishness102
  • Tattletale-1313 Maybe pay for some medical intervention to save one of your children would also be a great reason to raid your retirement account. But yeah, not for a boyfriend of 10 months who can't pay back the $250 he already owes her!
    via u/Tattletale-1313
  • ScarletPeach81 OP I laughed in his face when he said that. I thought it was a joke. He was completely serious. I told him straight up h I no. I asked him if I was foolish enough to do this and you didn't re-pay then what? I told him I'd need his kidney and his lung. He looked at me like I was crazy. I just needed validation from the very impartial, blunt public because maybe I'm slow and delusional. Not!
    via u/ScarletPeach81
  • Dramatic_Fault_6837 Some people with no money look at others with only some money as rich and being able to afford "it", whatever "it" may be. And then guilt them for not sharing or lending what they have. 401k should be treated like it doesn't exist. Btw does he need the money for? Please don't say a car.
    via u/Dramatic_Fault_6837
  • Narnia Mouse He insists that I'm being irrational Why is he making me feel guilty? Gaslighting and manipulation. Everything is telling me to run. Listen to it. NTA. Run. Do not marry this man.
    via u/NarniaMouse
  • Real_Dragonfly_7530 You objectively could not find a bigger red flag in a relationship.
    via u/Real_Dragonfly_7530
  • Baby8227 I had someone like this in my life. The word 'had' tells it all. They're in the past because they were greedy leeches. No decent man or woman worth their salt would lower themselves to ask for this amount of money. He's a conman and a leech!
    via u/Baby8227

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boyfriend scammer scammers reddit story 401k relationships girlfriend loan reddit thread retirement Reddit mom money toxic relationship dating relationship drama
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